Catherine (fluffehfoxeh) wrote in ugh_boys,
Catherine
fluffehfoxeh
ugh_boys

Alright, I've asked for advice before on this same thing..but this is before I talked to him about it..
basically situation: me and best friend end up having drunken sex the night before he goes on a 5 week independ studies group trip to China where I don't get to contact him.
I love him, he 'loved' me. 
he wasn't single.
This converrsation was the night before school started in the wee hours of the week before last Wednesday morning IE 4:30 is when it ended..I was way stressed and he signed on since he goes to boarding school in Austin so he didn't start til this last Wednesday..and I was up trying frantically to finish my AP World History summer assignment..
I am closer to this guy than anyone I know..and I love him more than anything..romantically and just as a friend. We had messed around before...but never gone this far...
He is that one friend that I go to for everything..
and now we aren't talking.
At all..
Before this whole disaster happened I would talk to him nearly if not ever day. 
Now I don't know what to do..
I haven't tried calling//messaging him since...
should i?
I still am really good friends with his best friend, david, and he has really been trying to help..but...it's not like ellis..at all.
Should i just 'forget' about him...
Talk to him and act like it never happened..
Just not talk to him and then randomly send him a birthday gift on his birthday...[[not til december.]
bleh...
this is that convo..not neccessary...but...it may help you give advice I guess.




me: alright so i prolly should be doing this while i am this irritable but i don't give a fuck. are we ever going to be friends again? honestly. or are we going to stay awkward for the rest of ever? 
boy: i hope friends but ya itl be a lil awkward i think 
him: you caught me at a really bad time of this summer and im really sorry for all that i did but you need to finish your report right now so we can talk later
me: don't fucking say youre sorry. 
him: eh this whole summers been fuck up after fuck up so ive delt with that so i feel i have the right to say im sorry cuz its definitely partly my fault
me: i don't like apologies. i just...
me:when one feels sorry..they aren't happy...and i just want everyone to be happy...i want you to be happy. idk. i mean..idk.
him: trust me im far from happy but im getting there
me: good and hey, promise are meant to be broken right?
him: not really...what promise in particular?
me: oh, most of them. but most of all the one that went 'oh yeah, our friendship won't change no matter what happens.' bullshit? meh. It wasn't something we should have promised. Though I still back that I'm not going to fucking blame this on alcohol..because that's fucked up...but if you do i dun really care.
me: you know i care about you a lot...why'd you let me believe you cared just as fucking much?
him: i do care its just theres another girl you know i care even more about and it hurts me to hurt her like this
me: i don't know what else to say other than okay.
him: you knew that
me: that doesn't come as a shock. what came to a shock is when you started talking about dating and shit before annnnyyy of this started..though oh yeah..you were smashed..maybe i shouldn't listen to wasted ellis.
me: and i also know me and you would NEVER work. ever. im a smart girl..i just make stupid decisions.
him: me too
him: lots
me: so this is a great story to tell my kids..
me: 'i lost my virginity because of a mutual stupid decision while we were drunk somewhere on padre island' oh sounds good.
him: so we really did...
me: ah and i can add that in the mix 'oh yeah and the guy didn't even remember' better.
him: sorry
me: there isn't a thing to do about it now, stop saying you are fucking sorry ellis.
me: so i guess that there really isn't a chance for a friendship.
me: we'll see. im so fucking pessimistic right now.
him: with reason
me: meh.... and yeah i didn't want to do it over aim either. but..i didn't think you would answer because I'm obviously not someone you want to talk to righ tnow..
him:come on catherine, you know this is hard on both of us.
me: make me a bitch but i wanted you to know when i cried..but it's done now. alright..i should go now.
him: good luck today
me: ...heh, right.
me: night..
him: night
me: i love you. you don't need to say it back..that isn't my purpose for saying it. it just makes me feel better to know that god forbid you die in your sleep that's the last thing i told you.
him: it means alot
me: and it should. it took a lot to say.
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